So I finally broke down this morning and took and anti anxiety med about mid morning because the waves would not stop rolling over me. Even as I tried to stay busy at work.
It calmed me down and the rest of the day went relatively well. I was able to focus on work, had a good chat at lunch to calm d17 who was having a rough day. She says being with her mom just gives her a bad vibe and she does not feel good afterwards. She says she feels bad because she does not want to be a bad person feeling this way about her mom. It just hurts my heart to hear this, but I listen and encourage her to focus on some positive things.
Then things get bad. I go to pick up d5 at her school as she stays with her mother there until I pick her up. I see WAW, and ask if she has spoken with her L for the finance stuff as my L mentioned he was supposed to hear back last week.
The fireworks then go off and it was bad. She said she had, but did not want to sign because there are lies on the paperwork. She then called me names, accused me of a number of things and on and on. I listened, then I got a bit defensive, and then asked if we could just speak like adults. She replied no, because I always want to talk for an hour or more, then she told me to get out, then threatened to call someone to get me out, then to call 911.
I left to find my d5 out where she said she was. But d5 was not there, so I returned to the classroom to ask WAW where else she might be, but before I could even get in, she screamed to get out. I then stated I could not see d5, and if she would know where else she might be. She stood up and rolled her eyes and went out. I went to the car to wait, and then they came out.
I said hello to d5 and went to get her in the car as WAW walked away. Then WAW screamed across the parking lot, "You should feel dirty". I looked back as I was caught off guard and just looked at her. She said you should feel dirty, because you are just trying to get everything. I reminded her that the law just splits 50/50, and because we have not been able to speak, the L's were doing what is with in the law. She then yelled more names at me, and went on and on. I asked if we could just talk in a calm manner, and she went on until I said, we are not going to do this in front of our d. I then took d5 hand and walked to the car.
I am shell shocked right now. The things that were said have me doubting the last 20 years of my life. She states things with hints of truth about challenges and issues I have had in my life, but does so as if my intent and goal was to make her feel bad, and hurt her. My mind is a mess right now as I am losing perspective on reality and my history and even my own intentions.
I am just in complete shock right now. I have never been accused of things like this and it is coming out of the mouth of a person I love, yet I have never seen this behavior in 20 years.
I hope I can sleep tonight. The mind will not calm down and the waves are rolling again. I can feel the chemical dump in my body.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
