I am sorry that you find yourself here. As Cherry says, this is a supportive community all of us are in a similar sitch or have been in one before.
I also agree that you should read DR today. And go through all of the links that Cadet has shared. It may take reading them multiple times to get it to set in.
Unfortunately, this can be a very long and painful process. You may find that H waffles back and forth for awhile, is completely inconsistent, or tells you tomorrow that he is done, wants a D, and will never look back! Try not to hang on his every word. Don't believe what he says because he is running on emotions. He is scared and confused too--even if he appears self-assured, he is not!
My H did this for a year! Long story, but it was a complete nightmare and I fell apart. Now we have been back together for over a year and finally moving forward. I was scared, confused, and my self-esteem was in the toilet! So what did I do? Reacted, beg/pleaded, got angry, ignored, etc, etc, and it was all based on fear! So I ended up pushing H further and further away!
In my opinion, people see DB as a way to win back their spouse. I think it is really about self-growth, learning to self-love, and breaking co-dependency. If your S is willing to work on themselves and commit to the M, then you will be better able to work on the M. If they don't come back, then you have maintained your dignity, and will have the confidence to know you deserve better.
Just my 2 cents, Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
