Got submerged by flood of anger tonight towards H! I have kept it for too long inside me as I though it was the right thing to do! No it isn't! I haven't sign for that ship when I got married! I didn't sign to bring up my kids on my own while H has a jolly good time with slug. I have done nothing wrong to deserve this, I had my flaws which have been revealed when all this happened, but by no means I am a bad person who deserves to suffer like this!
I have been venting a lot to a friend who was in the same situation as me and bless her she listened and tried to support/ validate my burst of anger! H is a selfish and self centered man who uses and abuses people trust/ love for him. He doesn't deserve to have a lovely life with his mistress! He is a coward as it's far too easy to run from problems than actually sit down, discuss them and try to resolve them before introducing OW in marriage.
How can he leave with her knowing that he is still legally married? How come his subconscious is telling him that what he is doing is ok? How can they both look at each other and be happy that they have wrecked a family!
I'm way better than her: I have morals and values, I have family values, I have a better paid job, I can speak 3 languages, I'm intelligent and I don't see the point of going out every Saturday night and get hammered as an enjoyable activity! I'M CLASSY ( maybe not after this post). I'M WAY BETTER THAN HER!
Here are the facts: H is an idiot, a lowat, immature, selfish man. He might be good looking on the outside but not so good on the inside. He left his two families, he goes a out a lot, doesn't help with anything, can't save any money, and he has become every thing he dislikes in his dad! Would a person in her right state of mind want someone like him? H despite living with OW and commenting on OW's FB page (been together for 3 years but I suspect 4) hasn't introduce her to any of his family member! That he waits for our kids that's good! OW's brother is a very good friend of H's sister. H has bought a house but now I suspect he has bought it only to have kids staying there when he has them, and has no intention to live in! Why would he when he has OW slavering around for him!
I'm done, I'm off this roller coaster. I don't want to save my marriage anymore as there is nothing to save. I can forgive but not forget what H has done. He isn't a man, just a big piece of chips :-)! I don't need him as I have been able for the last 13 months to do everything on my own! I was depressed because I thought that my life was over, that nobody would love me and that I'd be single for the rest of my life. You know what I'm no longer afraid of this. If it's what God wants then so be it. My life and it's future are in his hands. Apart from that had brilliant day at work and I'm going back to being me!
Thanks for listening to my rant.
Shotgun thanks for checking on me. You are always on my mind and I wonder how you are doing.
