I've been thinking about your comment, Job, about the mask falling when the darkness falls. I wonder if having OW spend the evening and possibly the night is a way of keeping the night demons at bay? Like I said, I just don't get a serious vibe about her. He didn't have that "sparkle" in his eye when he brought her up like he did with the first one. But, then we didn't talk about her much at all. I could be way off, but I'm not picking up on the "urgency" that came with first one.
Bright, it's interesting that some people think they can just remain married and each partner can go off and live separate lives as if they aren't. I get that if it's for insurance or business or similar purposes, but when it isn't necessary ... why? Apparently where H is now, it's completely common. There are a lot of arranged marriages where the partners end up going in totally different directions, get involved with OP and even have kids, but they stay married so as not to bring shame on their families. In my mind, that is much more shameful than a D, but it's apparently totally acceptable there. It seems like that kind of stuff has polluted H's morals.
I imagine you will some day reach a point where you will want to move on and the talk will come. I can't imagine how I would handle things with no face to face interaction at all. You are a strong woman.
As for all the activities, your post got me thinking about all the stuff H has or says he's gotten involved with over there ...
The first OW
A business project that he poured himself into and couldn't make a success
A motorcycle
Racket Ball for a while
Golf (he did here long ago)
The Frat Boy Running club
A dive trip with a buddy he later dumped because the guy was a drunk
Joining a rec club so he could swim
Manicures
Massages
Cosmetic eye surgery
A new camera so he could get "back into" photography. I haven't heard it mentioned since and haven't seen any photos.
A second dive trip
Yoga/meditation retreats
Moving to a new apartment, where "buddies come to hang out every evening."
Biking club
Veneers on his teeth
Weight lifting
2nd OW
Overnight motorcycle trip with buddies
I'm sure I'm missing some. I figure sooner or later, he HAS to run out of things to try. Right? Sooner or later, he has to wear himself out. Right? I guess only time will tell. I mean ... I'd be totally exhausted!
On a more serious note, he has been much different this trip back. He's been kind, considerate and completely respectful to me. He's come down on BIL a couple of times (BIL deserves it) and I saw shades of anger, but he kept it under control. But, with me there's been nothing but the best behavior.
I think asking him to move out of the house and going very dim with him has gotten across to him my respect boundary. Prior to that, he was horrible to me. It's 180 degrees different this time. We'll see if that lasts.
Saw the dermatologist today about the spot on my nose. She thinks it's either overactive oil glands or basal cell carcinoma. She wanted to do a biopsy by basically scraping it off my nose. When I asked about scarring, she said it would leave a scar (that would have been a pretty good size right in the center of my nose) and the only other option was to see a plastic surgeon to do the biopsy surgery and then a second surgery if it was cancerous. I told her we were talking about my face and I will risk two surgeries rather than be scarred up for life with a big scar if I could get away with just a couple of very small stitches. So that's where that stands.
Dinner with H tonight for the last time before he heads back.
All in all, this trip home hasn't been as bad as I expected. Yeah, the OW is pretty bad, but there is definitely something different in H's demeanor. Job, I think I'm going to bide my time for a while and see what happens. I have no reason to rush anything, so why do it.
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
