Thanks guys - Z, thanks for the 'needs' insight and RD/Huddy/Bttrfly and Job - thanks for stopping by - & for thinking I'm great already! I don't always feel 'great' - but I do sometimes and I feel I'm making progress.

Yes, I am all better now thanks, and had a nice long weekend - not too busy, but nice things on each day and feeling settled and grounded within myself. You know, I think back to BD now, and the time soon after it and so much time has passed since then. So much time has passed since I even spoke to H, and even longer since I saw him. He and I only met once after BD - astonishing really, after a longish (10+ year relationship.)

I think maybe one of the downsides of DBing, is the closure aspect. Does what I have done provide enough closure? Because we have had so little contact (as a result of DBing) we have hardly talked about what has happened. And I suspect our M will end and we will both move on without any of that happening. That's hard when I think about it - but I am also closer to feeling ready to move on.

When I look at things, ours was a 5 year M and a 10 year R with no kids together. I feel I have done enough to try and save things - and have certainly managed to save myself. I'm not even sure I will feel that much if/when the D is final. Relief perhaps - and maybe some grief - IDK. I guess I'm just feeling more ready for things to be over. Like I no longer want to be legally bound to someone who has been in a R with someone else for a good while.

Anyway - just some musings - and generally I'm doing okay. Still complete radio silence from H, which is fine. I don't plan initiating anything at this stage.

Take care all and thanks for your continuing support - it's much appreciated xx

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus