WAW still angry, moved out, D on the way?

[SH_]

Another restless night.
To bed at 930, asleep around 10, awake at 1230, restless, awake at 230, restless again, awake at 330, restless until about 5, now it is time to get up.

I feel shakes under the surface, I feel anxious and depressed. Can' t stop replaying so many interactions that I think led to my current situation. The whole horror movie scenario again.

Why can't I get control of my thoughts? Will I ever experience peace from this situation? I desperately want to move forward, but I feel like a huge weight is attached and I cannot seem to hold into a PMA. I want to detach. I want to feel confident. I want the rolling anxiety to stop, and the depression fog to lift.

I am stuck in a routine that seems to leave little time for progress. Up at 5 am, work and dropping off and picking up d's and home finally ar 5pm. A few hours to get dinner, cleaned up and a few moments rest before trying to go to bed and sleep and then the restless night again. How do I get out of this cycle? The routine is wearing me out. I feel that I am simply surviving. I want to live, not survive. I want to feel joy, not the overwhelming feelings of despair. I want to feel love, not the loneliness that each day is providing me.

I need some peace this morning, so I will share 3 things I am grateful for, and then I will go hug my d's, and then I will dig deep for some strength and go out and try to survive today, I will have hope that I an see a light that I can go towards....to feel good again. To feel alive again...

I am so thankful for the love of 2 wonderful daughters.
I am thankful for the good folks on this forum, that continue to share he and words of wisdom, while they work through their own challenges.
I am thankful for having had the 19 years with my W, as they were years that I found joy and comfort. I only wish that I realized what I had before it was to late.