My suggestion is to stop dwelling on the spanking.
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Quote:
Im a little confused at my wifes behaviour, light cheery and jovial (with me) during the day then ice queen at night. I know i shouldnt be reading into it much and focus on my DB but it just catches me off guard from time to time
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I suspect she is trying to get back within your good graces, so that you will believe the EA is over and you will let down your guard.

The coldness at night is usually a woman's way of discouraging the H of expecting any sexual affection.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!