W still at home, how to proceed?

[LiM]

If the end goal is to have a better relationship and be supportive of my wife and get the same support back...at what point should I start giving the good things back to her? The affection and love that I have for her now. Where do I go from here?

Sorry you are here ImAwake but its a good place to be given your current situation.
I know that detaching and being "distant" seems like more of the same but what you have to realize is that right now, she doesn't want you. She's done with you. It doesnt matter how much you are "present" for her right now because she doesn't care. She's checked out.
So you have to turn all of your efforts and attention inwards and focus on you and you alone. You've admitted to some issues. We all have them. Start there. Start fixing those things. Not to win your W back or because you think it is what she wants to see but rather because those are things that you know need to be fixed and that you want to fix so that you are a better person. Detach, 180 and GAL. Be genuine in the changes you make. Do them for you and you alone. She will notice and they will make a huge impact IF you are genuine about making these changes.
When do you turn back on the love? That really depends on her. She's got to show you that she's checked back into the R. You'll know it when she does. But don't jump back into the R with both feet at the first sign of thawing. Take your time. Go slow. You didn't get here overnight and it won't be fixed overnight. Be patient and be thankful for the baby steps.
S isn't the end of the world if it happens. It may even be a good thing. If she S and see's that you continue to make meaningful, lasting changes in your life, it could turn everything around. I know its painful but just focus on your right now. You can't control her. You can't make her see the light. If you are REAL in the changes you make, she will notice them.
Do you have the book? If so, read it. Post often. Ask for help and update us on your situation.