Numerous people have told me now about my W's mental age (my IC said W and I had a father/daughter relationship). I never was able to put words to my frustration. I did notice things seemed childish or immature on a regular basis, but never thought until now that that she truly had the mentality of a 14 year old.
This explains why she could never get things done in the house, but would excel at getting ready for "fun" things, that's what all kids do.... that's why she couldn't handle finances. That's why she was content with the most menial of activities (from hook rugs to games on her phone that are intended for younger children), and literally spent all day doing that instead of anything productive. Sure, I enjoy a mind numbing activity occasionally, but not all day every day.
Where I screwed up is that I tried to hold her to higher standards, and was quite frustrated about it when she acted childish.
Maybe I wrote this before, FF said that it is sad, M'd for 20+ years, I am 40+, and I've never had an "adult" relationship.
Before anyone suggests I need to "own my part", believe me I do, and I have. I hurt for it every day, I wish I had done things different, I wish I had just let her be who she was even if I didn't agree with it, even though it was impacting my life. But do you know what I wish for mostly? I wish I never met my W, so that we wouldn't have had to put each through this pain! I wish I never had S11 & D9 with her so that they wouldn't have to suffer through this. I wish I held out for something better, someone smarter, and had kids with them instead. W was a great match for our "interests" but we were so mismatched otherwise.
I think I have finally gotten over the 50% point, and growing it more every day... I am NOT going to "stand." If she comes back, which I actually highly doubt, I don't know what I'd tell her, but it probably won't be good.
I suppose my posts are no longer following the essence of what this site stands for?
