So, my WW said the other day that I am free to always check her phone as she has nothing to hide. So I check it. Yes, drumroll pls...
She tells her BFF that she misses OMs voice, and it's been 3 days since any contact. She says that she's feeling bad cos all she's trying to do is get him to come f-ck her and he doesn't want to bite.
So, here I am. A juncture in my life. Either I choose me and sanity, or I choose my very WW. There's only one choice I'm going to make.
I feel relieved. No more pussy-footing around the subject. I must detach and I will. I will need all of your help to get me through. I don't have too much anxiety. Maybe because there is no more hope.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I'm not surprised by what you found on her phone. This is why I've been advising you to focus on yourself and not worry about what she's doing.
No one says you can't choose yourself and your wife. Both of those choices require you to do the things we've been posting about. So regardless of what you decide to do for yourself, my advice is the same.
Detach from wife (lose control). Improve yourself (gym, diet, self-esteem, hobbies, relationships, etc). GAL (keep busy and focused on you).
I understand that dream, i'm not going to change anything that i'm doing, besides getting everything in place for the D.
This is her unsolicited email to me this morning: "I can’t even imagine the hurt and betrayal you must be feeling right now or after you read my messages. You are a good man and don’t deserve THIS, no matter what your part is in us not working, I know that I have crossed a line that we will probably never recover from but I WILL make it better. I PROMISE"
I never responded.
I spent the entire day with my S4 yesterday and I really enjoyed myself. Out of all convo's started between my WW and I, i think i started 2 out of 15, and got drawn into 2 of 8 arguments. So my next post will contain such measurable objectives.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Just focus on your son, be the best dad possible (I also have a S4) they only get to be 4 for the shortest time and missing it would be great loss. With that said you also do not want to be a dick as far as your W goes, but you come first, then your son and then everything else...
What do you think of these... any input is appreciated:
Detach (from WW and lose control) • Do not start 100% of all conversations • Do not get drawn into 100% of all possible arguments • Do not check Tracker when my WW is out • Keep my phone off when my WW is out • Consciously remove control over others when I interact with them • Do not react to anything anyone says or does, pause and then consider my response
Improve myself (GAL) • I need to go to gym at least 3 to 4 days a week. My gym bag must remain in the car so that I can simply state that “I’m going out”. • I need to stop eating junk-food, and actually start eating. I need to keep healthy snacks to boost my nutrition. • I need to get out every day that I can, even if it’s a drive to sit somewhere and soak up nature. I need to try and see more live sports and spend time with my long lost family and friends.
Understand boundaries and implement some • I think that I’m starting to get what boundaries are. The big emotional one will be no intimacy with my WW. The longer I can keep her off me, the stronger I will get. I will know that I will have achieved it if the day to sign the D papers come and I’ve still not given off.
Appreciate the little things
• I think that here I need to affirm my WW whenever she does anything that is not selfish, and is her going out of her way for me, or our son. Perhaps hitting 100% of affirmations, and understanding where I did not.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
DDJ, I don't know if you have read it but I have been reading the thread 'Quotes found on Divorce busting'. I have found some of these extremely useful. I can't remember how I got to it but there are so many great snipets of information. Maybe Cadet can remind me how to get there.
