I am sorry. This is so hard. This was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life; I had to interact with H often as well because we have kids too. I was watching everything important to me slip away and I felt powerless. It's a fear and pain like no other. I read here often, and while it made sense, I struggled to apply it to my everyday life.
I am reading all your posts. And I am going to hit you with some 2*4s, not because I am a jerk (well maybe a little bit), but because I care! I am also telling you what I needed to hear when H was gone for that year. I could GAL all day long, but I could not detach and thus was chronically anxious and depressed.
So here you go: what you are doing is not working. Not at all. It's not working because you are not getting results--she feels smothered by you, frustrated, and she wants more space/time. I think you are trying to look at this process and evaluate it week by week and at times day by day. I also think you are DB in hopes that she will notice. So right now she holds all the power in this R. It is incredibly unbalanced and damaging to your sense of self worth.
I think it's time to take a GIANT STEP back. Do whatever you need to detach. Continue to put your kids first (even if she has an opinion on that--too bad, her problem), continue to do your 180s and GAL, keep thinking about how you can live in the moment and feel good about where you are at . Even if it is in baby steps. But most importantly, you have got to stop trying to analyze her every move.
It is this focus on her that is smothering her and frustrating her. People's intuitions are very strong--she feels this from you. So take focus/control off of her and really, really take your life back here. Maybe over the next several months she will second guess herself and come back. Maybe in a year. Maybe never. But you have got to stop torturing yourself. And it won't work.
I know you deserve better. And your kids need you right now; the strong and confident you.
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
