Wife files D after I confronted her 2nd EA (4)

[Accuray]

Hey CWOL,

Regarding telling the kids, I understand the exposure perspective as well. I was just sharing a data point I got from a therapist I trust, and in my case it has worked well. I'm not saying that's "the right way" or "the only way to do it", just sharing. Take that and everything else I say with the appropriate grain of salt.

"Telling your son the truth" is a tough one for me however. Truth telling and safeguarding feelings always need to be balanced. It's the "do these jeans make my ass look fat" dilemma. You don't want to lie, but the truth isn't going to help anyone either.

The other risk, of course, is telling your children that the other spouse wants a divorce, which implies this is their fault, and they then explain to the kids *why* they want a divorce because of everything *you* did and then the kids are caught firmly in the middle.

I am also familiar with "the other site" you refer to, and did telephone coaching from that site as well. After weighing all the arguments on both sides I came out against exposure, but that's a personal decision of course.

In terms of your situation and your wife's anger, you have pitted yourself as her adversary. She wants to separate, and you have been steadfast for reconciliation.

Do you see how that pits you as someone who is telling her "no", setting yourself up as someone she needs to get away from?

A WAS will not stop running until the LBS stops chasing.

In this case you may need to use some "relationship Judo" and lean into it. Enthusiastically embrace the separation. Help her move her stuff out. Act like its the best idea she ever had.

What do you think she would think if you did that?

If she felt you were on board with her decision, how would that impact her feelings of guilt?

How would that impact her feelings of resentment?

How does it feel when someone gives you what you want graciously?

Acc