Here is the link to my previous thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...255#Post2673255

Just reporting.

Hopeful is how I woke up this morning. H still occupied my thoughts but not as long as usual. I really can feel and see a shift in me regarding my situation. Looking back since the birth of out first child, H never really offered me any support. So why would I want someone like that in my life! I have been single for 13 months now and even if at times it's hard, I still get up to go to work, still look after my kids, still carry on with my day to day chores, so truthfully I don't need him. I have stuck to my values and I'm doing my best to correct what needs to be within me! Hard to do and to look inside yourself!

H turned up at the house an hour earlier than the time he told me he would, and he wasn't really in a rush as he took him another 30 minutes to leave the house! I didn't see him physically as I was getting ready. He asked me to order few things for him and that he doesn't want a piece of furniture that he said he would have. I left about 4 hours before I sent him a text saying that he should order what he needs then I'll refund him and as he wanted that piece of furniture he could sell it himself! Was so proud of me and I did question why he wanted me to order something for him when he could do it himself and why he came earlier but in the end I let it wash over me.

Also I have decided to move the rest of his belongings in the garage, and it felt good to do it!

Had an emotional time at Reiki and as a result I feel more calmer, more serene, more at peace. I can't really explain it but at the moment I'm feeling hopeful. Today I have given up on the idea that one day my H will get consequences for his actions and that now he has his life and I have mine and that he'll never be punished/ or face consequences for what he has done!

I think that was what was holding me back and kept me going round: I wanted to hope that he'd wake up and realise his big mistake and we could start a new relationship, and if not that he'll be somehow, somewhat punished ( can't find another verb to express this feeling) right away. I'm learning that it'll never happen and that it was only hurting me not him.

I won't lie and I still love him but at the present moment I don't think I would want to go back with him. I know for me to heal I need to go NC but also think that he has passed away so we can get back together! I don't see what the future holds but I'm learning to live in the present.