Depressed to WW

[Scotch]

LiM,

I've been doing my best focusing on the kids to get me through the days. It helps to keep my mind in a good place as much as it can be.

We stated talking about how to tell the kids this past Friday. As much as I prepared myself, having notes on what I wanted to say etc., I found myself in a state of disbelief as we were talking. She started talking for maybe 15 mins or so with me listening. She was bringing up points that I agreed with until we got to school and living arrangements. She wants to say our kids will be in the same school and my counselor advised not to say that unless we are 100% sure that will work out. Just to not disappoint them more. She tried saying the kids could go to her sisters house (to stay in district) after school. I pointed out that neither one of us have even started looking at places to stay and have no idea where we will end up. She said she would make it work picking up the kids from there, to which I said what if that doesn't work for my situation. She didn't like that.

Then she brought up visitation. In IL they changed the law, there is no more visitation per say. But she wants me to get the kids Tues and Thurs and every other weekend. I told her that will not work. I want them for a full week off and on. This again made her very upset and she broke down crying. She said I didn't even want kids and now she is going to be punished by not getting the kids for most of the time. She says that because it was her idea on having the kids. Not exactly fair, but I replied, Why do you think I had kids then? She replied, because you loved me so much. I hope she heard herself say that!

So we basically called it a night after that, and are picking it up again tonight. She still wants to tell the kids this Fri.

We went out of town this weekend as a family for my sons baseball. We got along pretty good. My one buddy who knows whats going on leaned over at one point and asked if everything was going good and was shocked that nothing has changed, based on how she was interacting with me. Talking, laughing at times etc.