Phoebe, I had a difficult time with meditation, and didn't love talk therapy but have just started hypnotherapy to help me with some obsessive thoughts about husband and it seems to help.
It's so hard not to focus on what spouse is doing and why they are wrong and selfish and inconsiderate. but it won't change anything. They are who they are, and we are who we are. And as you know that's where the attention has to be. I had/ have a really hard time letting go of my anger for the choices my husband made. But he is his own person and has the freedom to make those choices. I have the choice to obsess over him and be miserable, or accept that my life can be happy without him.
Just because he is the one that left, doesn't mean I was happy with our marriage either. my life is actually easier now. It took a week for my son to even realize that his dad wasn't living with us.
Of course we could have done differently. hindsight is always 20/20. We did the best we could at the time working with the skills we had. Now of course we are learning new skills to cope and Learning how to recognize our contributions to the marital demise. That says a lot. Although admittedly sad that motivating factor was spouse leaving.
This is such a long process. But you will get through it. Time really will heal.
