hey ofp, i do appreciate you reading my threads. i hope all of my failings and struggles could help someone, because ive made so many mistakes. I think the biggest take away is that this all takes so much patience, compassion, time and luck. there is work too, working on ourselves to make us a better man before all this started, otherwise...why would they ever come back?
you have asked a ton of questions. many just cannot be answered without time and evolving understanding of who you are and want to become. on the controlling topic, folks could debate forever on what is and is not controlling behavior. learning to accept that your partner has the freedom to choose is a huge start down the path of letting go of that control.
learning that even tho you feel like you rescued her from her past, she owes you nothing. you didn't do that for a reward, right? you didn't ride up and lift her from her pain just to garunteed you a spouse for life. no, expectations are a relationship killer. moreso with a person with abuse in thier past when they no longer can pretend and ignore the pain that they have held down all those years,
if you love her then she must have no demands on her to be 'X' for you no matter what. your wife vowed herself when you married and i take those vows to heart, however those vows are not absolute garuntees.
I am sorry this is not a great explanation of my thought...I could type for a week on this alone, but i have to run, so I am sorry.
GAL, you just have to do it...this along with gratitude and love for yourself are athe cornerstones of making yourself whole again...it is what will help drive your esteem and self worth back to where it belongs. your relationship has drained them both for so long...but rediscovering passion for life starts with getting out there and doing.
one more thing, having female friends is ok, but they should not be your anchor...they should not serve to feed your emotional needs right now. you need to learn to fill those needs on your own. you need to learn that you don't NEED a woman's shoulder to cry on. is it nice yes, but you should learn that it is not something that you have to rely on...we have to eventually learn thatbeing your own anchor AND sails is enough...the rest is just icing on your cake.
