Maybell, I just wanted to start with a big hug first. I can definitely relate to how you are feelings, on most levels.
Last September I restarted college and I started a long distance R at the same time. My life changed ALOT. I saw my friends often prior to that, but with school alone, a full-time job and raising my daughter, and her activities, I didn't see them much. Then traveling to exbf's everyother weekend for the whole weekend when it was my free, kidless time, I really saw them less. Nothing scared me more than losing my friends, because they are my family and lifeline. But they were so supportive of my return to school and after so long that I finally found a guy who I loved. You would be surprised at how even though you can't spend much time with them, you will find they will support you and be there for you. Those relationships are not at risk if they are your true friends. But I do think it would be beneficial to YOU to make a dinner date with them to catch up.
As far as being a good parent, woah, I have lived with the last 8 years of my life freaking out about that. I feel like I could be doing so much more and such a better job. I don't do everything right, my sense of being overwhelmed gets to me often, and I may not react perfectly all the time, but I do the best I can. She's a happy kid and I have made sure to the best of my ability she doesn't have to miss out on normal kid stuff due to divorce. I honestly don't think there is one parent who thinks they measure up to who they imagined they would be as a parent.
As of late, I have been carrying lots of anxiety too. It's really affected me, and I do pray it's not affecting my daughter. But I don't think it is. They key is to go easy on yourself. The harder you are on yourself, the more anxiety that builds. Take it from a woman who is brutally hard on herself.
Balancing everything is difficult. That often leads to anxiety. Try not to put pressure on yourself to give all aspects equal attention at all times. Some thing just need to be put on the back burner.
Keep looking for that IC. Mine has been a godsend. I feel like I rely on her almost too much, but then I realize if that's what helps and gets me through, that's a healthy thing. I could be isolating myself, drinking too much, whatever. Instead, right now my lifelines are my therapist and exercise, and I am ok with that.
