- No relationship talk (that old relationship is gone) - No expectation (it was a first date)
Thanks Irish!
Originally Posted By: IrishM
I understand why your H wouldn't come in. Before he can reconnect with you he doesn't want to be judged. He knows he messed up. It will take time for him to really open up to your family. That will happen only when he feels comfortable with you.
Yes, you're right. I think the bigger worry though is my family accepting him if he 'comes back'. They are all so disgusted with his behaviour, the way he has gone about this and the way he has treated me and the children since: like toys to pick up or discard whenever the mood strikes. None of my family think I should even entertain the idea of a reconciliation. As far as they're concerned he is untrustworthy, unreliable and not a fit husband or father.
Originally Posted By: IrishM
Continue what you are doing. You are the prize, let him continue to win you back.
I am starting to believe that I am a prize, maybe that is DBing in action? I now see that while I, of course, did contribute to our M problems, I have been put through some hard to forgive things from H and he is not owning his share at all. I have got through the last almost 6 months with dignity and my head held high and coped much better than I ever imagined I could. I still make sure I look nice and even when H has been his worst to me or the children I have remained calm. So, yes, I am a prize. Sadly H doesn't seem to see that and judging on past experiences, he will do the bare minimum to win me back, but we will see. He will need to do so much work on his parenting to win me back. At this moment in time, that issue is the thing that makes me lose respect for him. He is nothing like I imagine a dad should be and it breaks my heart.
Originally Posted By: IrishM
How are the kids? Have they falling into the routine of daddy not being there? I/m sure you are being amazing with them. They are lucky to have a string mom.
They are falling into a routine of this weird life that H is imposing on us all whereby I do everything to take care of them and he shows up every day, sits in a chair and offers the occasional command or punishment, then leaves. It is becoming very draining. I feel like I should enforce a boundary of him coming round less but don't want to hurt the kids any more than they already are. It is like he still lives here with the exception of sleeping here. I find it very strange.
Our D is coping exceptionally well but for S it is a different story. He is really struggling with it all. He is regularly in tears and rants and shouts at H when he comes round. I encourage him to talk about his feelings with me when D is in bed but I think he just wants H to acknowledge the pain he has caused and H just gets angry if S mentions it.
H had come in before I was even up this morning and was there, sitting in the chair as normal. He stayed for about an hour and then S started to react to his orders and he left saying that he couldn't stand to be around S any longer.
I am feeling disheartened to be honest. We've had a lovely couple of days as it is Bank Holiday weekend here. We've been busy GAL and had great fun. Then as soon as H arrives you can feel the whole household slump its shoulders. I am struggling to see a way back to a relationship with H, not just for me but for S too. It makes me so sad.
