WAW still angry, moved out, D on the way?

[SH_]

Some journaling for today.

I slept better last night, and no anti anxiety med in almost 48 hours. And only had minor tremors first thing this morning. D17 talked me through some meditation and then I shook them off.

We got up early and went to church. It was a good meeting, although my mind wandered at times to the things I wish I could have done in my MR and to the things I have to do do move forward. I also found myself fantasizing about my wife coming out of the fog and returning to fix the family. Not sure why that passed through several times. I also got stuck several times in the mind swirl of how much a failure I have been as a husband. I think it had to do with watching a sitcom where the husband is so perfect and has everything a family could want. Stupid tv, makes everything look perfect when I know it is not always that easy.

We got quite a bit done, cleaning up the place so it does not look as ransacked as it had. We worked on creating some vision boards and schedules to help us move in a positive direction.

D17 had a little breakdown this evening. She is feeling overwhelmed, and like she is not making progress. She is 3 weeks from graduation and I think she is excited but nervous due to our current family situation. I was able to share with her some ideas and encouragement. I think I got long winded, because she finally said, " Dad, you do not need to keep lecturing, I am good now."

I called to speak to D5, but no answer. This is becoming a pattern. No answer when I call, and then a call back 30 minutes to an hour later. Appears a bit like a control thing as I call at 7 pm each time as agreed. But oh well, I get to chat with d so that is all that really matters to me.

We then watched a funny show and now we are headed to bed. She is doing better, and I am feeling tired, so my goal, is a good nights rest and to wake up calm and go for a jog.

Today was good overall, but I really want to gain back some confidence and start making some good breaks for me and my baby girls. I haven't had any contact with WAW since Friday morning. And not sure the scowl she gave me even counts as contact. I miss my W. But it has been some time since I have seen her. WAW, is someone I do not want to see. She scares me.