yep, and tonight i have an opportunity to redeem myself for the other nights. So my WW has chosen to go out with the new crew tonight again and not stay in and watch a movie. Not sure when she's gonna be home. It is her best friends brother that she's joining with again. Not sure i can trust but don't really have a choice.
I need to do three things... Try and get some sleep. Not check Tracking device. Try not to overthink or assume and end up crying (are those 2 things?)
As a short term objective in detachment, 2 out of 3 would be good for tonight.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Ok, she's finally left. I believe in serendipity. I believe in karma. If she never went out on Fri with her best friends boyfriend, she would not have met her best friends brother and his crew; and she would not have gone out tonight again. Those are things of chance that cannot be ignored. As for karma, when she was in the other city, she was bitten by a spider. Its 5 weeks and the bacteria is still in her blood. The doc gave her 40 days worth of antibiotics, so she can't drink for 40 days.
Ultimately, tonight is the night that my WW has chosen her single life for the last time with me as her H.
I NEED TO BE STRONG. I NEED TO FOCUS ON ME.
My tummy is not doing too bad, alot less anxious. It is really all in the head, for her and I. Going to meditate on the Detachment thread until i know it all off by heart, so that i can repeat it when i awake - should help put me to sleep later - LOL.
One thing, with OM 1 clearly out of the pic, I know she's not cheated yet and i don't know when OM 2 will / has already started, to help my detachment, should i act as though she did cheat???? Although I think it will make me cold, it may help me detach more.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
You need to quit sitting around the house being the left behind spouse. Start going on yourself and having fun. There is plenty of opportunity for that. If you sit around the house sulking about your relationship, that is going to be very unattractive to your W. She's hanging out with fun people that are out partying. You're sitting around the house in a funk. You need to flip that script. Go out with friends, if no friends, go to meetups for things you're interested in. Go have coffee or dinner with a lady friend. It'll work. I promise. I know what I'm talking about. Not only will you feel way better but your wife will definitely take notice. Doing this may end up transforming you from the pursuer to the pursued. I enjoyed my new self so much that when my wife snapped out of it and started pursuing me, I was like "no thanks". I was having too much fun. The script was totally flipped because I stopped sitting around the house feeling sorry for myself and started living.
Remember your goals. Whether or not someone else is in the picture, you need to stay focused on you.
Originally Posted By: DDJ
1 - Detach 2 - Improve myself 3 - Understand boundaries and implement some. 4 - Appreciate the little things 5 - Lose CONTROL
1 - Who cares what she's doing? 2 - Get your rest and relaxation time in. Read up on the detachment thread. 3 - Read up on the boundaries thread. Set up ways to protect yourself.
DDJ, perhaps you should consider turning off/getting rid of the tracking device forever? It is just another way for you to torture yourself. If you get rid of it, then the temptation is gone.
Part of you wants to know what she's doing, but it doesn't help you because you can't control anything she does. Try to let it go.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
Thx txhubby, I think tonight i hit that "no thanks" place. I am quite impatient but one thing that I will not do is wait for her to change my life.
@dream, i know that you and darknes are against D, this is DB after all. But i truly think that its the only way to make things work for me. I plan on starting things slowly, first getting the house on my name, can take 3 months. then move towards finalisation before the end of the year.
You know my only boundary is cheating, and i cannot wait for it to happen. She might even be doing it right now. So I must believe that she is, so that I can detach properly.
In terms of my goals, i will not lose that focus. As for who cares what she's doing? I care about my son and the life that he will lead living with her. My mother says to not fight over custody so I resign to having him for wknds only, but my mother does think that my WW will give him to me entirely, as her new single life consumes her. I put my cellphone off, so i can't see any messages, or check tracker, or even figure out the time when/if i awake during the night. So that should help me to detach and lose CONTROL! i actually need to do these 5 things everyday. there we go - measurable objectives!
I'm not that anxious, had a 2hr call with my mother, helped get my mind off things, even though we spoke about my plans for all of it.
Going to continue with the threads until i go sleep. Nite all (in my timezone).
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Remember your goals. Whether or not someone else is in the picture, you need to stay focused on you.
Originally Posted By: DDJ
1 - Detach 2 - Improve myself 3 - Understand boundaries and implement some. 4 - Appreciate the little things 5 - Lose CONTROL
1 - Who cares what she's doing? 2 - Get your rest and relaxation time in. Read up on the detachment thread. 3 - Read up on the boundaries thread. Set up ways to protect yourself.
Even still, these aren't goals. Goals are measurable...how will you measure your list? Take each one and list 2-5 actual steps for each that you can check off. "I want to improve myself by doing X, Y, and Z." Also, what's your time scale?
