Thank you Shotgun for being my lifeguard. :-)! I'm always impatient to hear from you. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you.
I'm slowly growing into the person I want to be. I can see that I have always been self centred because of my lack of loving myself. It has been two days that I have been in close contact with H's family and while it hurts I didn't engage in a conversation about H. That's something new for me as when I see his siblings we always end up talking about him! Usually I'd say I'm happy for people but never really felt it, today was differen as I saw my niece and was genuinely happy for her. There are still some good men out there and her H is one of them. She is the first person (apart from my kids) to whom I told her that I loved her! A 180 for me as I come from a family where you don't say that kind of things!
Have been getting really nice messages from one of my SIL and H's cousin. It felt good to feel that I'm still part of their family. I did thank my other SIL and her h for being so understanding of me not attending the reception! My FIL and his partner never talked to me as I guess they didn't like the fact that I didn't attend the reception. Though I'm still making sure that my kids will have contact with their grandad because he's there only grandparent in the UK.
Girls got back late from wedding, so we had a lazy day. I really mean lazy one! It was good. Was surprised by H as he puts the kids to bed last night as I was already asleep but got woken up by them! Also I don't get it but he popped in unannounced to drop something that could have waited tomorrow! Usually when he forgets to bring back something from the kids, I have to text him and he drops it a couple of days later! Did nothing this time. Luckily for me I was nicely dressed and was feeling beautiful!
Tomorrow I'm going for a Reiki session. Never tried it but I was told by a couple of friends that it was good. I'm excited to see what all the fuss is about! H has agreed to have the kids, which is a surprise as it's a bank holiday and last time he didn't see the kids until late in the day. He could have said that he couldn't have them, but he didn't. Maybe he hasn't got any plans with OW or maybe he is amicable and accommodates me as when he divorces me I have no ammunitions against him!
In a month time I'm going away for a whole weekend for a friend 40th birthday, I'm so looking forward it! H has accepted to look after them! I'm slowly getting into the acceptance stage, and now I have decided to focus on me and stop re acting the past and I could have done. I'm feed up to feel down nearly everyday, to have a self pity party. Only I can get my heard out of my bottom and do something about it. I always though that being with someone will make me happy, yes it did but I became very co-dependent on that person. I want to be happy, now I'm really prepared to finally take those hard small steps that I'm so scared off and jump I to the unknown! As always thanks for reading me and you being patient with my long post!
