Lee, I would be very concerned over this. In fact, I think you should make the appt. If she is depressed, it is doubtful that she can muster the will to even make the appt herself.
The reason I say this is not because she is damaging your marriage--which she obviously is. But rather, she just missed out on 24+ hours of her daughters life!! As a mother, I can't imagine the horror and shame that she will feel when she finally snaps out of this fog and realizes how much she missed while sleeping. Help her avoid this, for her sake and your D's. Make the appt and perhaps she can start being treated for whatever is ailing her. I think that any therapist who heard how much sleep she got in one weekend would immediately look into testing to see what is going on.
I agree with the others. Sleeping that much is a definite sign of depression. I have seen this symptom in at least three people I know who were later diagnosed. The good news is if she is depressed and gets treatment her mood should definitely improve. The bad news is some anti-depressants affect sex drive. Wellbutrin seems to be the best.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
She has been checked out by a DR and all the levels are normal. That happened about 2 months ago. I guess I should just go ahead and find a C. Im just worried that if I set this all up she will not come. I guess it doesnt hurt to try huh...
Lee wrote: She had this look on her face like why should I set that up. But she didn't say anything. Later that night I asked her are you going to set that up. She said maybe. _____________________________________
I agree with others about the sleep thing and its connection with depression. The part that got my attention is the quote above. In my sitch that would be my W's way of protecting herself against anything that the counselor that "I" found said that she didn't like. (We went to several and switched whenever they got to what she needed to change.)
My experience is that if someone sees that something needs to change but won't even find the help they need, they won't make the effort to change themselves. I think you handled it perfectly, dude.
They were not checking for depression. We went to a C one time about a year and a half ago. They gave us this test and it didn't show depression or anything like that. Again we only went once and I think she was depressed then.
Quote: We went to a C one time about a year and a half ago. They gave us this test and it didn't show depression or anything like that. Again we only went once and I think she was depressed then.
You're probably right, Lee. You know, this is such an important and obvious point, that I think it deserves to be put into a "sticky" message that stays at the top of the forum... it should go without saying that in ANY situation like this, the FIRST thing to verify (after ruling out physical problems) would be whether one or both of the partners are clinically depressed. When someone comes here and starts asking for help, we all tend to jump in with whatever we feel might help, but if the partner is depressed, nothing is likely to do any good until that is addressed...
Now that I really sit here and think about it today I think that is really what it is. Until she gets some things together im betting that nothing will change. Wow do I need to get this SH!t taken care of...
I have been depressed before and it made me SO tired - I slept a lot. The one thing I did last year to fight from being depressed was to exercise, and to get out and not allow myself to sink into sleeping all of the time.
I don't believe too many people sleep purposefully to get away from something or a situation. If you aren't tired, it's hard to sleep - right? But being clinically depressed is different. You have to sometimes fight to stay awake.
She needs help - and it might just be medication to get her feeling better. I was on Prozac for months, and now I can tell when I'm starting to get depressed and I do more natural things (like exercise) to combat it.
Well yesterday I was talking why my MIL. She was saying that she thinks my W is depressed also. So If my W does not make an appointment in the next 2 weeks I will be taking the bull by the horns.
