Wife wants to separate at end of school year # 2

[Bhuda1]

I should state, we lacked communication when it came to our marriage. We did communicate on other day to day events, happenings, all situations when it came to our children.

We never discussed our relationship. Sex was never discussed. It happened when it happened. Neither of us asked, Do you want to have sex, It just happened. I was never forceful, I was given signs when she wanted to make love, but never initiated directly on my part.

Finances were never discussed, We each had responsibilities we met regarding household obligations. A joint account was set up, at my request, to cover all costs from groceries, mortgage, utilities, sport registration for the boys. Other than that, she had her account and I had my account. We both are self employed.

This was wrong and I now place all my income in the joint account and only transfer out what was needed for monthly business expenses. This is one reason why I was able to pay off most of my debt as quickly as I did. I focused on this, she could see where my money was going. Its given her a better understanding of my day to day business outlays.

Until I did this, I did not realize how much was spent without accountability.

This transparency was long overdue. I thought she was fine with the banking arrangements, as long as we looked after our household expenses, everything was fine. Again, We are both guilty of having our separate bank accounts but again I am more at fault in her eyes.

Now regarding my 180. I have actually done a 360. Before I knew of any stress on how she felt about the MR, I was confident, sure of myself, and under the impression our love could survive anything. I did ask her if she was ok with my decisions and choices. I never put much thought into how she would really feel if I went away with the guys. As mentioned earlier, she appeared to be accepting on the outside, but inside she was resentful for me not realizing the added burden of looking after two children while I was away.

I became overconfident in myself and our relationship.

Until I felt threatened and realized something was not right, I started smothered her. I became suspicious, always asking, who are you texting, where were you, what time will you be home and other actions that were very pushy. I became untrusting of her and jealous. The more I tried to pull her back, the further I pushed her away.

I have stopped asking her questions that may make me come across as too insecure and pursuing. I am pleasant with her but no longer over bearing. The stress level in the household is reduced. She is more open and telling me about her day, without me asking. She is also more curious about my daily activities as she now initiates these conversations. There is no silent treatment. I do show interest when she opens up. I am positive and answer her questions in a positive manner.


I am living my life but only after the needs of my children and wife are met. Nothing I do now shows any type of retaliation or spite. I just do not ask her to join me. I open the door and make the option available to her. If she wants to take part she is more than welcome and she knows that.