Sorry for the length but I feel like my life is a reality tv show!
So on Friday H called from work to say he was going to get a drink with a guy from work, he would be home around 7 and wanted to know if I wanted to go out and get a bite to eat. I played it cool...told him I was headed to my friends house and if I was home about the same time then that sounded good.
Went to friends house, H called to ask if we were going out and to invite my friend and her h. WHAT?? Anyway, we all went out for a bite. We had a good time. I think at one point friends H told my H to "get his head out of his ass" and my H replied that he was going through something and was working on it.
As dinner continued, H started to text. I asked who he was texting because that is unlike him when we are out with friends. He said "everything is ok, don't worry about it"...this was not said arrogantly...it was more pleading...like please don't ask because we are having fun and I don't want to fight. Well his nonanswer lead me to believe it was OW. All I said was "You have to be kidding me, texting her NEXT to me in a restaurant is disgusting..."
On the way home, I flipped. I know its not DB but that is downright disrespectful and I will not put up with it. He proceeded to tell me she texted because she was mad he was out, he told her he was out with his wife and wanted to make things work, she said you told me you were getting a divorce...blah blah blah.
I said she wouldn't think any of that if H didn't tell her. I told him they are not friends because friends would be happy if our M pulls through this.
Well, like I said. I flipped...like something literally snapped in my head that I was done with this. We were in bed and I just couldn't take it anymore..I got out of bed, put my clothes on and told him I was leaving. Luckily kids were at sleepovers so we were home alone.
I have never, ever said I was done before. Not ten yrs ago, not now. He jumped out of bed and started pleading with me to sit down and talk. I said no, I am done. He stood in the bedroom doorway so i couldn't leave. I told him to move and i was done...I deserved so much better and I deserve to trust my H unconditionally.
So I left! It was midnight. I got into the car and realized I left my phone in the house...when i came back in I heard him from the bedroom saying please don't leave...I may have heard tears...not sure.
And then, of course...not one of my friends answered their phones so I sat in a parking lot until 2 am. H called numerous times leaving me voicemails.."Please come home, etc.."
When I got home I slept in D14 room, he got up and asked me to please come to bed. I said absolutely not.
Yesterday when he got up he told me he wants to work on things, he has a lot going on in his head...he said in his gut he knows we will pull through this. I told him I have dealbreakers. The first is if the relationship with OW continues. I believe it is EA, not PA and I think she is acting a bit psycho...LOL...I have been calm, cool collected and non pressure through out the last two months.
My other deal breaker is if he chooses not to go to counseling with me. I was straightforward and told him I don't trust him and unless he earns it back we don't have an M. He told me he would take care of OW...counseling he is not prepared for yet but then again...this is not going to be an overnight process.
yesterday I saw txt messages on phone records to OW so I asked him about them. He told me he told her he was going to work on us and she was mad, etc... I asked him to prove it and show me the messages...he couldn't. So...bit red flag there. I told him if there are any more texts or calls from his phone it is a deal breaker. I told him if I sense that he may be contacting her other ways, it is a deal breaker.
So I am not sure what happened or how the tables turned but I think my strength scared him a bit. I am not talking about it anymore...I told him actions speak louder than words and time will tell.
