I have a fake birthday so I cant be traced and it very close to May 1. So I will enjoy your birthday wishes on that day.

Today is an anniversary of sorts, today STBXWH has been gone for 365 days, tomorrow is the anniversary of him having the door locked tight.

I still struggle with the abuse, I still suffer complex PTSD.

I want healing and it comes in big shift and then little for a long while.

I can not explain to anyone how bad the abuse was, I wouldn't be believed. Nor can I explain why I let it happen to me or why I denied it to myself for so long. Why I took the blame and brunt of another's wayward behaviour, attitudes and beliefs. And I can't explain why I can't heal and I can see no resistance within me.

I am sometimes so anxious and frightened. At others so down and immobile.

Sleep is not healing, food has little taste and despite all mornings are really hard work. I am sluggish and my weight isn't shifting despite all my efforts.

I want real love in my life, the real deal, not the fake stuff offered by a wayward compulsive.

I am down today

V

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW