One thing, logic tells me that our WW's/WH's have detached from us, and we're now playing catch up. They used resentment to get to where they are. We need to use tough love (on ourselves and them). Is that correct?
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Okay, I think i had a breakthrough about detachment, I've had 3 and a half hours sleep, so know that my mind is most clear.
I do not expect my WW to tell me what to do, where to go, what to eat, who i can have lunch with, how i must do things and when i must be home. SO WHY THE F DO I THINK THAT I CAN DO THOSE THINGS TO HER. She needs to be as autonomous as I am, and I need to detach so that she can get there.
She finally came in at 5-30am, alarm set for 7-50am. Part of detaching is letting the person accept consequences for their actions; so with 2 hours sleep she will be dead at work. But thats her lesson.
The past two nights she experienced the high life of being single and being able to mingle. The next two days she will have to experience the single mom side of it. Each coin has two sides. I need her to experience both sides in order to make up her mind. Although I do know that one can experience the joys of being single, whilst still being faithful within your marriage - we both are doing it right now!
I called her out on the OM, and said that i am fine with a soft kiss goodbye, no tongue (LOL) and a hug but it depends if she's still in contact with OM. She said that she is not and has even deleted his brother from instagram (OM not on social media). Her interactions with me now come so effortlessly, there is no real tension, just my anxiety from the broken trust.
She also sent me those TMs because she was aware that I might worry that she is out so late, so she has said that if i'm out and she's home that I must TM my whereabouts just to put her at ease. She will continue to do the same. She said no to a curfew which i suggested (CONTROL), thankfully.
Long story short - Goal 5 - work on my control issues!
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Hey doodler,so my W is actually back. Only one problem, I see the WW inside her, I see it giving me the time of my life in a year or so.
She's spoken that she is anxious when I go out, afraid of being alone. When we go out individually, we both feel liberated. However, the one at home has severe turning tummy issues.
I've got to go with what will get me home at the end of the day. I'm more afraid now, than I've been before.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
That's the insanity. I have never cheated on her. The dynamics of what's happening here is bizarre. she actually does not even want to go out. She only goes out because I do. So, if I don't GAL, she won't go out out of her own.
She's always been insecure, so her heart was never into the whole divorce then. Probably why she's coming around so quickly...???
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Yeah, she was definitely milking it. Was with a different crowd. Her first experience like that ever. I would have done the same thing. But what does it mean, her being anxious as well?
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
And this is what she said about those unsolicited TMs at 2am...
"i wanted to let you know where I was, because when you went out last week, I could not sleep, and you never even texted me. So I'd rather that you also let me know where you are so that I don't have to worry. I do care and love you and can't throw away those feelings."
She's so non-committal either way that I don't know how to DB this with the advice sometimes. I'm too tired from last night to go out tonight but definitely going out tomorrow afternoon. She's set to go out tomorrow evening with the new crew.
I'm so anxious, but am letting myself feel every bit of it.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
