WAW still angry, moved out, D on the way?

[SH_]

1gr8dad,

Yes I am starting to see the toll this is taking on my daughters, and it is heart wrenching. Thank you for the kind words, because in the moment, I do not always feel that I am handling it well. Hearing that I am is a boost to my confidence and that is sorely needed these days. You were right, it did blow over as my d17 went to dinner with her mother and sister and said she had a good time. She also confirmed with me that she trusts and believes in me, that she sees clearly that her mother is struggling, and that she will not let her mother take away her happiness when she does things such as this.

Phoebe,

Thank you for being so close to my witch and the daily support and thoughts that you share. I feel the same way that the behavior she is demonstrating is beyond reprehensible. I calm myself and try to forgive her, because in the 20 years I have been with her, anger of this nature has never appeared. I know this may just be my way of trying to logically create a reason for the behavior, but in my heart I know something is not right with her. I still believe that there is not an EA nor PA happening, and while I may have contributed to a breakdown as MWD describes in the WAW syndrome, I believe there is an emotional/biological breakdown going on that she can not identify nor control.

But I can not focus or dwell on that as another influence in her life will need to guide her towards help and assistance. I pray for divine help for this each day..

I am reinforcing my own goal to be cautious how I speak of her myself not only in front of my girls, but to my small support group, because I want to ensure that others see her as the loving mother of my children and once she was the most loving and caring wife for me even in difficult times.

I will continue to share on this forum the things that go on, because I am in shock when these things happen and I must speak them out to maintain my own sanity.
I will continue to try Dbing although I find it difficult as my sitch seems unique in that I still have no idea how we went down this road, and she is sharing nothing of a consistent nature to provide clues that make sense.

I had a great day yesterday in spite of the rough start, I felt good, calm, focused, even happy. I helped a friend move after work, I spent a couple of hours alone and when my d17 arrived home, she was happy, we had a good evening, and I went to sleep without a sleep aid.

I awoke at 1 am with the anxiety, took a anti anxiety med, slept until 530am, and got up at 630 with the waves of anxiety rolling over me. I am recognizing it, trying to let it pass, sharing my gratitude, and will get up now and go jogging with my daughter.

We then have a day of work, fun and things to keep us busy today.

I will be happy and enjoy the moments with my d17, and as a friend told me yesterday.
"Fake it till you make it, if you must, but you can get through this and you can feel true happiness and joy once more, because I have done it, and so can you."

I deserve to be happy, we all do. And I must find myself after so many years, as I know that true happiness must co e from within. I must conquer self, and not be conquered by self.

I wish all who read this a wonderful day and I shall report in later this evening, with the goal of a wonderful joyful day. I need this, and so does my daughter.