Not caught up on your thread JujuB but it's on my list to read, I just don't get on the site that often. Emotions have a strange way of cycling around so no matter what it is don't beat yourself up, it's all normal. Experience whatever it is just dont stay stuck in it. It's a long process and takes time, much of the it won't make sense why you still feel the way you do. What's most important is you're doing what you need to do for your twins and being the best mother you possibly can be. Your kids will benefit from that and even with the terrible circumstances of a D they have you to ground them and help them heal.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
