WAW still angry, moved out, D on the way?

[Phoebe]

SadHub, you are a rock for your girls. Wow, has your WAW stepped over the boundaries of decency and good taste. Dragging a child into the middle of her relationship mess is reprehensible. I am so sorry that your D17 is stuck in the middle, where no decent parent should ever put their child. Continue to hold to the high ground.

The behavior you model will forever influence the way your daughters handle themselves in the future. I don't mean to bury your emotions, because that is not a good lesson, and we've talked about that before. The good lesson is how you've been modeling calm and reasoned behavior while your wife has so consistently demonstrated unregulated an irrational anger and vitriole. No person with a shred of decency rips down her child's parent in front of them. Nor do they tell their children that they need to choose between their parents or vent about their legal frustrations. It's not acceptable. No matter what W may think of you, you will ever be their father, and she should respect that very simple fact.

My aunt divorced when my cousins were quite small and no one EVER heard her say a single ill word about their father, because she recognized that, whatever her own feelings towards the man, he was the most important man in her children's lives. My aunt's behavior ought to be the norm, not the exception.

Hang in there SadHub. Can D17 take some time away from her mother according to your custody arrangements? Does she have a therapist that could weigh in?