Whilst I am someone who is generally forgiven and H compliments me on this, I too have boundaries. This is beyond even my capabilities to forgive.
Whilst H is clearly no longer the person I knew, if there is still any part of the old him left inside he cannot be truly happy about this, especially so early on. I suspect this will change the honeymoon period for them. I'm sure that for him a lot of this was about a new and very active physical relationship, a pregnancy generally changes that dynamic fairly swiftly.
I know there are people who still decide to work beyond this but I'm not one. I would not be prepared to have the rest of my life affected by this and find myself having more restrictions and less financial freedom than I had with my own D.
This will be a shock to H. I did everything for and with our D when he just concentrated on himself. He was good at the play part of parenthood but that was about it. Times have changed however and I imagine the OW will expect a greater contribution from him. I imagine that his lucrative part time sporting hobby will have to end as this involves him being away most weekends for at least 1 night and 2 days.
I can't speculate as to whether this was a joint decision by them, a careless mistake or a well considered arrangement by the OW. Personally I don't think I'd want to be in that sitch with someone still married after such a short period of time. She managed not to fall pregnant with her previous partner who she was with for 8 years I understand however after 3 months of being with H this has happened. I can't help but wonder if this was thought out. H has a well paid job and we hold fairly significant assets, I hate thinking bad of people, even the OW but I can't help but think this is a meal ticket.
My D is the person this will hit the hardest. She's always been the only one and liked that. Now not only does she barely see H anyway she feels she's being replaced and will know that he's now living with this child daily and investing all his time, energy, focus and love on the new child that she so desperately craves.
What baffles me in all of this and I know enough having read all that I have that their actions are anything but logical but why come here a few weeks back crying as he did, telling me about always comparing everyone to me and to us etc then his email about wanting to hold me and never let me go, having to get to a place where he can say goodbye but not being ready to etc. How laughable when I imagine he already knew of the pregnancy.
I don't know what this now means financially for D and I and that's my biggest concern. She's meant to be starting university in September although with H having dropped this bomb 4 weeks before her exams start who knows if she'll manage to get the grades she needs. I just wish he'd have spared a thought for her even for a minute given what she's already gone through. He could have at least allowed her to get through the exams but that's him all over.
I am fighting against being bitter but it's difficult with such selfish actions. I think my peace will come from knowing that he's ruined what he so desperately wanted, that freedom and carefree life. He'll now have the responsibility he ran from for another 19 or so years. For me with a grown daughter at the age of 38 I'm free to do what I want. He'll now be 60 by the time he regains the freedom he currently has. By that time the OW will still only be 44 but how well will be then be able to keep up the pace?
Anyway, that's a worry for him rather than me, I've enough worries and responsibility that he's left me to deal with single handedly including D, the house and the dogs. I don't have any capacity to deal with any more worries on his behalf.
I'll keep you all updated as his sitch develops.
Me: 38 H: 40 (39 @ BD) BD: August 2015 T: 22 years M: 15 years D: 18 years (17 @ BD)
