Still more detachment, (less) anxiety and the joys of limbo

[Phoebe]

Having a really hard time suddenly. I'm one hour into my drive and I had to pull off into a parking lot because I started just sobbing, shaking like crazy. Nothing more fun than public displays of falling apart. people are walking by. It's great and all I want to do is hide. Camouflaging myself by playing with my phone.

I was doing ok, and then my mind wandered to something my therapist asked me last week: "what are you afraid of?" I had no answer for him then, but today I was just driving and realized that I am afraid of being alone. Not at a particular moment, but of being truly alone for the rest of my life. Terrified.

My therapist is right to be convened. Relaying all the details to the L today reminded me how deep the betrayal runs. How will I learn to trust again after all of this?

I'm a mess today.

In case you're reading this and wondering, SadHub: yes, I just took my meds.