You need to develop a transparency plan, and if she doesn't agree to it, you will have her answer about her intentions of faithfulness.
She should not know when you decide to check her messages. That is your decision. She needs to be accountable.
You cannot expect her to have contact with the OM and simply trust her to do the right thing. She is addicted. The addiction has to be dealt with before she can be trusted again. A transparency plan will help her.
If she returns to her present place of employment, she and OM will be together, b/c the addiction is stronger than the punishment you gave her. Once she stops contact with the OM, she will crave it and even go through a sort of withdrawal. She will feel depressed, and maybe anxious, but it is part of the withdrawal process. It takes a period of time for her to go through this, and if she & OM ever make contact........she has to start at square one again. By that I mean the withdrawal process starts over.
So the first step to ending the A is no type of contact. Just seeing a picture of him, or reading something on FB about him can trigger her feelings for him.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
