Originally Posted By: RAI Question for Sandi or anyone who cares to answer: my WW has done some really mean and malicious things. Is the WW aware that she is being really rotten to me or is she so wrapped up in her rationalizations that she is unaware? Does she truly believe that I deserve everything I get from her? Will there ever be remorse for these things?
This question seems to come up fairly often. Although one may want to think the WW surely doesn't realize the pain she is causing, the fact of the matter is that she kind of sees it from a very cold viewpoint.........as if it's the casualties of war.......so to speak. Some WW's are more hateful and just downright meaner. They are filled with so much vindictiveness and bent on making the H pay for not fulfilling her dreams........not making her happy.......or whatever she resents about their MR (which often requires her rewriting history). A lot of self justification is behind making the H the bad guy. And a lot of ugliness comes from her trying to convince him that she no longer loves him and that the M won't work.
Remember what is inside the heart of one who is wayward. She can justify a lot by telling herself he deserves whatever he gets. Like I said, some WW's are worse than others.
Will she ever have remorse? I believe it depends on her. If she can go back into the MR without having to admit her wrongs and apologize, I think she would choose to sweep it under the rug. It makes things a lot easier for her when she doesn't have to accept responsibility for her actions. Even her voicing an apology, without the sorrowful feelings behind it, doesn't seem quite genuine. Attitude is EVERYTHING. Remorse is very important, b/c otherwise, she continues to carry the resentment and disrespect, and issues go unresolved. How does a wayward heal and have the desire to put forth efforct to save the MR, without experiencing remorse?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
