Life's a Dance-One Step Forward and Two Steps Back

[melweb]

Thanks so much Sotto and bttrfly. I appreciate your support.

SO I cut H off at the pass. He came to ask me where I wanted to go tonite for drinks and "the talk." Me: I don't care. But I can save us $50. Just tell me if you are leaving in June. You've told me 5 times already. It won't be a shock. H: Yes,I think we should separate. Me:I think so too. This is emotionally and physically killing me. Calling her from Mexico was the ultimate betrayal. H:I didn't call her. (Semantics here--he texted/sexted her) Me: In fact, if there was a way for me and S15 to not be here when you get back (from biz trip), I would do it . H: No sense in bringing S15 into this, if anyone should leave, it should be me. ME: Ok. If OW is the one you want, then go. I hope you two are very happy.

At the moment I am ok. I needed this to happen for my sanity and health, like Sotto mentioned. It wasn't an ultimatum after all, so I guess that part is good.

Here is where I am at right now, in no particular order;
1) I still love him (just not his actions)and want this marriage to work.
2) With all my heart, I do not want him to leave in June, but I do believe it is for the best, for my sanity and for his consequences.
3)I do think this A will die a natural death as there are just too many negatives against it--ie.. they are both still married;they live 3 hours away from each other in different states; when he leaves, he is not going to be living with her--so jumping ship but not onto a life raft, per say.
4)I would not be surprised if he comes back "in" some time in the next 5 weeks, before he leaves in June (IF he leaves in June. Saying it and doing it are two different things!)

I have decided to go to IC. In order to take my insurance they need a mental health diagnosis, but I am pretty sure I qualify for depression right now--not eating or sleeping very well. I am not sure if she is pro marriage but I will make sure before I go further with her.

B--I do walk at the gym and yoga. I love both. I try to meditate but find I have ADD, especially right now.:/

H is basically out of town for the next 3 weeks, home on weekends. I can use the breathing room for sure. When he is home, I will be happy, upbeat and confident--he does not get to be in charge of my emotions any longer!!