Quote: Hey wait a min...do you live in Utah? Can't you get another wife while keeping the one you have?
Dave I already have one like this do you really think I would want another .
I think down deep there is something that she doesn't want to confront. Because if she did that would take work. My W is not about work she is about the pill that will just fix everything. She has qualified what she is saying. That I can go get laid and have another woman and come home to her and our D. The problem with that logic if im finding a woman that wants sex why would I be coming home to her? And really I don't want another woman. If I wanted that I would just leave. So really I stuck between a rock and a hard spot.
So he stuck it in your face for the 1st H-initiated sexual encounter in 5 years? Smooth. That's like "James Bond Smooth." If I did that to my W, she'd bite it off...except she can't open her mouth far enough to get it in, but that's a whole other story.
Anyway, so then you got "stiffed" that night (in the bad sense of the word), and then he bobbled your boobs. Did I mention he was smooth?
I think you're justified feeling mad. Feeling frustrated. Feeling short-changed. Can you talk to him about this, or is it worth it. Has he ever initiated in a sexy manner ever?
Hairdog: who's learned to keep his hands and his weiner to himself.
OOOOOOOOO I forgot your other question. No, the sticking it in my face was not the first time in 5 yrs, it was the 3rd initiated time in 5 yrs. The first time in 5 years was oral, the 2nd was oral and the 3rd, YUP, you guessed it, Oral!!!
At this rate, and the fact that there has been nothing else, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm think I am being pretty selfish here. I'll shut up now.
My wife has come on to me too many times in a similar fashion. "Let's do (whatever) tonight and mess round after". Then after or during 'whatever', the snore monster bites and all is lost.
I think the reason for my wife doing it is two fold. She would realize that I have needs, or she would actually be horny for a little while. A bit of time passes and the urge/need/guilt induced promise withers away. I don't think that it is malicious, but rather just a factor in the overall LD equation.
However, it is devastating to a HD person, yet another rejection.
What I eventually learned to do was ignore the offers. I usually respond with something like "thanks, that sounds great". I rarely act on the 'whatever' leading up to the promise unless 'whatever' is something I want to do. I know that 'whatever' will have to be stand alone entertainment or just an opportunity to be with my wife, because the promise part rarely materializes.
Now that my wife and I are working through our problem, things are a lot better, but I still give little credence to the after 'whatever' promises. I have learned to appreciate that the offer was sincerely meant at the time it was given.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
My W threw out the comment that I should "get it elsewhere then!" in a heated argument about our diminishing sex life. I said "Wow, are you serious, do you really mean that? I was discussing sex with you, not anyone else. However, if that is how you really feel then I will. So are you just being nasty or are you serious? Your answer is going to dictate what happens to our M."
Pretty frank, huh? She then knew it was a deal breaker and that I would take her up on the request. What made it work? I wasn't threatening or posturing, I was serious about it. Did I really want to pursue an OW and subsequent D? No, but if she cares so little about me that it wouldn't matter to her then I am done with her anyway. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me? M is like poker in that if you are going for the big pot (a major change in the M) you have to be prepared to go broke (the big D is the ultimate change in the M). It sounds like you're there.
Someone had an analogy about making a grilled cheese twice a week to keep their SO happy. That is absolutely perfect and shows how little some LD/ND S cares about the M. They can't make the simplest and most natural of all efforts for their S happiness and contentment. The failure to care about their S happiness and contentment is the true problem here.
I say call them on the bluff. Rattle them a little and get them out of their comfort zone. They seem convinced we will stick with them forever no matter what. Lets challenge that certainty and see if they quit taking us for granted. You don't have to pursue OW just have W convinced that you will if things don't change.
Well, yesterday W and I had an intersting conversation. She told me that she wants another child. My first though was Hell ya maybe I will get some sex. Then I thought what if she does get preg and then things just go even more down hill. I don't want to bring a child into this mess. I know I should talk with her about this, saying that I have some issues with this. Im worried that she will get all bent out of shape on this one and I really don't want to fight anymore about these things.
I really think she is trying to find a magic pill that will make her feel better about herself. I don't think a baby is going to do that. I wish I could get her to go to counsling.
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