So, that bit about him saying he doesn't talk to you because he doesn't want you to think he wants to be married? I had heard similar in the early days. They don't want to feel the pressure to make the r work and they don't want us to get our hopes up. They are very confused and they can feel guilty if they feel they are stringing us along. (At times though, they have no qualms about stringing us along.)
Also, he may avoid talking to you because he dreads impending questions about ow and your r. Stay away from those as that equals pressure.
My advice, if you want to keep him in the house, is to back off completely. When he goes out on Friday nights don't say a word. Give him tons of space so that there is no pressure on him. Don't come across as his mom in any way as that equals pressure. Ask nothing of him. This will be hard, I know. But if you believe in MLC and I am sure your eyes are showing you it's terribly real, he needs space and time.
He will become increasingly selfish and you will need to find ways to get the stress out without talking to him. In the early days I thought of my h as a house guest. How would you treat a house guest who was visiting?
If he tells you he is confused, maybe very calmly just say "there's no reason to do anything rash" and walk out the room. Create the illusion that there's all the time in the world because he is feeling the walls of time squeeze in on him. He is scared that life is passing him by. He may forget about the finances being tight so you may need to repeat there is little money each time he mentions an apartment.
Get busy for you and give him space without any pressure.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
