Broken, not defeated pt2

[Cherry]

Phoebe you are so right, it is a privilege and unless he wants all of me, he shouldn't get any of me.

Up and out today, things to do. Let him see me bright and breezy, feel like I need to get these tears out but I can't quite do it.

I am angry, but I think it's the White anger,, because I know I'm worth more. As he lay there last night, I watched him. But in the "you know what, maybe you aren't all that". The loving, caring sweet man has gone. This is not the same person.

He went out to work and told me he's going out with some buddies after work. I said okay, quite breezily. I don't think that was faked. Yes I'm annoyed that maybe he should of been trying to arrange a way to make it up to me. But that's what maybe I want, not him. But the other part of me thinks, if he had suggested something, I probably would of declined. I don't want someone spending time with me because they feel obliged to. I am worth more than that, some people actually want to spend time with me because they love me.

It's hard really knowing what is the right thing to do. So journaling my thoughts.