I have really been trying to sort myself out, part of the history is that I have worked alot, and got complacent. She was home taking great care of our children, while I was working.And the amount she used to do, packing school lunches, putting children to bed, she did this and being organized , so she has been doing the two jobs as well. When I started to do these things, she said ..to little to late, you should have been doing these things years ago.
Do the things you know you are/were supposed to be doing that don't directly involve her. In the meantime for her, DB. Right now, DB'ing her means living as if. It means doing 180s (do the things that are the opposite of what she has come to expect from you - she's going to test). It means detaching. It means GAL - go out, have fun, enjoy your life. Let her see that she isn't the only one who gets to have a life right now. Be faithful to the relationship you want to have, but be faithful to yourself, as well. It also means not working on the R at all. Not talking about it, not even bringing it up. If she wants to, listen. If not, it's not something to talk about, period.
If there's anything I could take back in my situation, it would be to simply shut up, get happy, and be a great dad for a few weeks when my wife first indicated she knew she needed to shut down her EA. Had I done that, I feel she'd have allowed herself to ease away from it.
Do what most of us don't do right now: back waaaaaayyy off her. Detach, but lovingly so. You are going to want to be angry, vindictive, vengeful, and spiteful. Do not. That's the person she wants to leave. That's the person she's using to justify leaving right now. Don't give her justification, but also don't lose respect.
It's tough. There are no guarantees. But have a strong heart, and I hope for the best for you.
