Definitely let yourself feel whatever you are feeling. Acknowledge it, know that it is normal for you to feel this way, and know that you are a whole, unbroken human being. You are in an incredibly difficult and painful situation, and bottling up your emotions will lead to more pain down the road. Obviously your tears and feelings aren't for your H. He has violated your trust and no longer deserves to see your vulnerability, but you need to let your emotions out or they will harm you. I bottled mine for months, burying them under false hopes, and that almost destroyed me. Aknowledging the depth of my own grief and starting to feel it and learning about it has helped me so much. Feel your emotions and allow them to pass through you.
I'm sorry that H can't get his head out of the hole it's in long enough to realize how good he has it. I know how much you long to be close to him, and you know that I caved on this front with my own H last month so I'm not judging at ALL, but perhaps it's time to stop granting him access? Intimacy is a privilege within a loving relationship, and I don't see that he's living up to his side of the bargain.
(((Cherry)))
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
