Still more detachment, (less) anxiety and the joys of limbo

[Phoebe]

So, I'm hanging in the parking lot of a fast food restaurant, trying to avoid going back to that sad empty house. its a pretty poor way to spend an evening, watching street cleaners going in circles at the neighboring Big Box Store, and using the Internet on my phone.

As so many people have said recently, I just keep feeling like I'm stuck in a bad dream from which I just can't seem to wake up.

I wonder how I got here, how I missed the signs that my marriage was falling apart around me, how I missed hearing all the lies. I'm feeling OK, I guess, just kind of lost. Nothing new.

Far from low/NC today -there were a bunch of texts after I notified H I would be here and then turned down the idea of him meeting me at this house tomorrow. All admit n kind of stuff, but I was polite and do was he. For once he was wordier than I was. That's a bit of a change.

I'm resolute on one thing: the next time he knocks me flat with his news or whatever he wants to talk about, I'm going to have it be in my own territory, somewhere that I am comfortable and where I have people around me who can help me and support me. Now back to my previously scheduled darkness toward H.