feels like i am on a rollercoaster

[LiM]

I would cancel that trip too or at a bear minimum, exclude her from it. You've got to detach and show her that you are moving on with your life without her if she chooses to continue down this path. This will not be easy. It may well be the hardest thing you've ever done. But you've got to prove to yourself that you are fine without her. When you are able to do that, she will start to see what she will be missing. You need to emotionally dump her and focus on yourself and your kids. If she wants to run, let her. You have no control over her so just let her be. Detach, 180, GAL and be the most amazing dad your kids have ever know.