You would be asking her to leave to get a reaction out of her and that is wrong. Do not do stuff to get a reaction. I think you [censored] up by calling his wife. Clearly it has not worked for you and you might have just created a It's us against the world connection between OM and your W.
And as far as you telling your W you will not be her friend if you D, that is actually a great idea, just wait until she brings up the topic again. Do not initiate any relationship talks. As far as your W is concerned she is not your W any more.
Also no point in going all super husband mode right now. No amount of caring for her now will change her mind. The only way she might flip (and it is a long shot)is if she falls in love again. Face it, your marriage is DEAD. That does not mean that there cannot be a new relationship with her, but currently, this one is dead as a dodo.
Find, read and reread Sandi's rules, they will help you and clarify a lot...
