I've sat at dinner many nights wondering the same thing. We're all sitting around having good conversation, laughing and getting along very well. It makes you wonder why anyone would leave that; it's that sort of thing that's the good stuff of life. Why not use those moments and build off of them? But I guess the affair drug is so strong and reality is so distorted the wayward spouse just can't see it for what it is.
As far as revenge is concerned, I usually consider the end result of revenge. It won't really make you feel any better;in fact you'll probably feel worse and it won't do any good for anyone else. So it's best to just take the high road.
Of course, if we could take all of our spouses' EA/PA partners and load them on a plane and drop them on a very small deserted island, I might be okay with that.
