I totally feel your pain. My WAW was my partner for almost half of my life. And in that time I think I become dependent on her so much so that as you say, her pain my pain, her joy my joy, and then BOOM!!!! BD and now she looks like my W. But in the past 3 months I have learned that the W that was with me for 20 years is no longer here. I think my pain is for the woman that I knew, but now after almost 2 weeks separated anger is swelling inside me when I have to see a stranger every few days while exchanging my d5.
But my point is that your pain and desires are normal, you feel instinctively drawn to do the very things that will drive her further away as she is going through her own emotional turmoil. My WAW put up a wall of anger so she could go through with her decision. Her decision was not necasarily what she wanted, but the breakdown in our MR was more painful for her to endure.
The lesson that we in this situation are learning is that 2 complete attractive confident individuals that want each other as opposed to need each other will have a better chance for a solid sound MR. And each individual is responsible for them self and only them self.
I think some of us lose track of this in our MR and it can lead to where we are now.
I am pulling for you and encourage that you follow others threads as well as continue to pose questions here and your perspective will open up and you will find strength to grow, do what is right for you, and ultimately create the best chance for any future with your W. But as Dbing teaches us, we will be better for it no matter what the outcome is, and that is the hope we must hang on to.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
