HaWho is going through the same thing that you are right now and she's handled her situation very well. Her h is living in a room and he cooks some and sometimes eats w/the family. I'm going to ask HaWho to come visit w/you.
You do realize that you can't control him and whether he is participating in the raising of the kids? You may ask him what his plans are for assisting and supporting the girls w/their homework and activities. You may offer to set up a calendar that indicates when the girls have their activities, i.e., date, time and location to assist both of you in keeping them on a schedule.
As for cooking, cleaning, laundry if he moves downstairs, you need to wait and see if he will opt for that move. If he does, then ask him if he's given any thought about how he's going to handle his laundry, cooking and cleaning for himself. If he's going to cook , it will be his responsibility to clean up after himself. You may say that he's more than welcome to have meals w/the family, but that will be up to him. I would venture to say that he won't want to eat w/the family all that often if he moves downstairs.
As for the ow phone calls...nope, you can't set that as a boundary if he's living downstairs and not around you and the girls. I wouldn't set too many boundaries in the beginning...but if you see him texting or calling someone, then I would speak to him about it when it occurs.
If you set too many boundaries in the beginning, he'll seriously think of leaving. You don't want that right now.
Breathe!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
