NYGal: A New Chapter and Hopeful!

[NYGal]

Still making progress. We are texting and calling, but still taking it slowly. Most importantly, ow is out of the picture. W says she is feeling better than she thought she would this week about everything. She does most of the initiating, but I do respond to her texts within a reasonable amount of time. She mentioned that she thought it was rude of ow to wait "sometimes 9 hours" to respond to texts, and said she was glad I never did that... so, sometimes that technique can backfire, friends.

We've reached a point where we are being gentle and kind to each other. One night she texted and asked me to call. Then she called two times. I was in a meditation class, so didn't get the messages until later. When I texted back that I would be able to call her back after 9, she said ok. Then she texted again and said she was going to bed. But she was also thoughtful enough to add, "Nothing to worry about. Just tired. Let's talk tomorrow."

I think at this stage, it's very important to focus on kindness and understanding. She does most of the talking and I do most of the listening. I do tell her when things she's saying make me uncomfortable so that we can talk it through. Like when she said she doesn't see her having a friendship with ow, but maybe sometime in the future... I said that might be difficult for me. I said I can work on forgiveness, but I don't want her to be in the picture and threatening our relationship again. She agreed and said she wouldn't ever allow that to happen, so if it means no friendship, that's ok too. I do believe she was just seeing where I am on that issue. I don't believe she wants to be friends w her, and I do believe she doesn't want to hurt me that way. They work together on occasion, so that could be difficult.

W also mentioned that we should talk about possibly living outside of our town for part of the year (i.e. in retirement) and I said I'd be happy to talk about that. (That was a lie. I'd actually be ecstatic to talk about that!)

Twice she has mentioned a trip we had talked about taking with some friends. The first time, I said it might be too early to look into that. She said ok. The second time she brought it up, several days later, I said, do you want to plan that? She said it's probably too early! So we are both being cautious.

No promises have been made yet. This morning she texted and asked if I'm sure I want to take her back, and asked if I can get over her betrayal without retaliating. I texted back a quotation from a book by Desmond Tutu about how forgiveness helps us find freedom from the hatred and anger we sometimes feel when we have been wronged: "...it's the process of taking back and healing our lives so we can truly live."