Way too late? Pt4

[TimR]

1313 and CWOL I feel bad for you both. I know it is hard to realize (and look at my date I am in the same boat) but we need to really thank our WWs. They grabbed the bandaid and just ripped it right the F off. Even though my sitch is resolved (the M is dead and buried with just a few more court docs to file) except for the kids, I still lurk around the boards. I was reading one today and the person became a registered member in 2006... 2006!!! and it appeared their sitch is continuing... (btw my sincerest prayers go out to them). In my divorce care group there is a woman in it and she has been divorced for 2 years and a man divorced for 1 but his sitch is 4 years old.

Here we are 3 to 6 months in and we are achieving closure. That is not a bad thing. After all could you imagine being in limbo for 4 years, 5 years or even 10 years. Let's face it sooooo much has can change in just a year but after 2 it is likely so much would change neither you nor your WW would even be the same person, so you would be pining for a person who no longer exists. The way I look at it is the woman I married does not exist anymore. Yeah there is a doppelganger out there but the insides, the personality, the woman I loved is no longer in that shell. I mourn the loss of that person but I am not going to get hung up on the person that took her place. So she did me a favor ending it cause I do not want to be in a relationship with this other person. Of course the way she went about ending it will be an open wound for quite some time.

The financials of it suck. Especially, if you have to give half your check to this other person!!! They are the ones that ended a good thing, yet they are entitled to be 'kept.' Yeah that is ridiculous! What they should be entitled to is the clothes on their back and nothing more. Yet we cannot control that and we can always make more money. Lets face it while money can provide a certain amount of peace of mind, it does not create happiness. My favorite most intimate dates with GF are not the ones I take her to a fancy restaurant and wine and dine her. No my favorite are like last night where we just sit at her kitchen table and hold hands and talk. I get to see her interact with her boys and realize what a special person she is.

I guess my point is this... look at the bright side. You can still love and be loved, you can still make more money, or get by with what you have (even though that really $ucks) but you cannot replace time. You cannot undo the time wasted waiting for someone who no longer exists. And while it is noble and honorable to fight for your M, sometimes it is just over and not meant to be. At that point you need to work on you and find your happiness!

BTW I have not asked for awhile but 1313 how is your mom doing? I have not seen you mention her in awhile.