Has your W been requesting a D and have you been resisting, or is your family suggesting that you pursue a D proactively?

I am divorced and it doesn't need to be as dire as Sandi outlines above -- we share the kids on their calendar birthday (we jointly attend the party and/or dinner), we all get together on Christmas, etc. As long as you keep it amicable there doesn't need to be a Chinese wall between you.

On your question about giving W photos of the kids, don't engage if they are in ultra-bitch mode. Create a boundary that if you aren't spoken to respectfully, you won't respond.

What basis does she have to deny you access? They are your kids too, why is she the gate keeper?

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015