Jen, Well I certainly don't want to bring you down with this post. Our struggles are MUCH milder versions of what we have struggled with all along. The fact that my drive is higher than his and finding a place where we are both satisfied is difficult. I think that you are in the very very early stages of this, when it is all new and exciting. Eventually you will settle into your own pattern and what feels comfortable to you and then the process of negotiation will begin.
Again, I'm NOT trying to be a downer, just to tell you realistically what to expect. We had the frequency discussion and we both agreed on a 'time per week' that we would be happy with. My H has exceeded this almost every single week since, and that was nearly two years ago. He has KEPT this promise. I cannot tell you how proud that makes me of him. Amazed and proud and I feel like he took it seriously.
The other issues are the ones that we will prolly always struggle with--which consist basically of our difference in sexual STYLES. Not really our appetites or our love for each other, but in what makes us tick. He doesn't care for lingerie or any of the traditional "spicing it up" type stuff. He is not aggressive with his initiations, he does not get turned on by things that I consider to be "gimmes" such as shaving me or whatever. He does, however, like sex in our bedroom with the lights off and in our usual positions. I am okay with this, too, most of the time.
In fact, I am okay with our whole sex life "most" of the time. It is that other pesky "part" of the time in which I start getting restless and needing more from him. No doubt this depresses him, he feels pressured, etc.
So the struggles that I referred to can be boiled down to this: We each have needs and in this issue of our marriage they are often diametrically opposed. My need for variety and to feel like a sexpot is opposed to his need to not feel pressure to perform or be "someone he's not".
So this will probably not disappear and we will always be trying to negotiate around it. That's life. Earlier in our marriage (the newlywed days) we struggled with how to handle money. Now we have settled into a routine with that. Not to compare finances to lovemaking with your spouse, but I just want to illustrate that each marriage has its areas where the two people just don't see eye to eye and this is IT for us. We just muddle through and do the best we can and MOST of the time we are truly happy.
Does this answer your question and, if so, did I just bum you out completely??
