Thanks J. I guess the point that I was trying to make that got lost in my rambling was this: I have no fear, because no matter what happens, I will always have the freedom to choose how to respond, and the freedom to appreciate whatever life I have. The more I've made that my focus, the more I've felt at peace.
The loss of a marriage is beyond any scope of measurement I had in my life. I don't think you ever fully recover and healing is measured in years, not months or weeks. This is important because I think the desire to be better can drive us to make poor choices, like somehow we can do something that will change how much loss we took. If there's one thing I have done well it is to not let my emotions control me.
This sounds like what I was talking to a friend about today. I told her that all along, I felt like I would be okay, and better than okay, regardless what happened to my M. I've had a sense of a light inside me all along, and a focused mind that kept me from having an A of my own (I had the chance) or act in ways I would later regret.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
